Support: Reacting to the News

Just when you thought you bought your last wedding gift, your best friend calls with the big news: I'm having a baby!

You may be surprised by your reaction. I sure as hell was when my next dorm neighbor told me she was expecting, my heart plummeted like a runaway elevator and I oh so diplomatically blurted, “What are you going to do?”

(She was 19, unmarried and we hadn’t finished the first semester of our freshman year. I was young and foolish but still, you think I would've just told her congratulations.)

The reaction to the news is critical because mamas have a tendency to remember such things. My mama pal of two recalled her sister’s reaction: “You did it because you wanted to be the star of the holidays, didn't you?”

Another pal of one said that her cubicle neighbor remarked, “You’ll regret it.” My husband’s co-worker first words to me was, “They’re incredibly manipulative creatures and they won’t be interesting until they’re three.”

My advice - even if you hate her cheating, lazy-assed, leeching boyfriend or husband who provided the sperm for this new bundle of joy– is to just say, “Wow. How are you feeling? Can I take you out to dinner?”

Or something along those lines.

Even if her circumstances are unstable, or you just don’t see her as a mama (and that will be another blog), she may need you as her lifeline through the biggest transformation of her life.