Are you jealous of all the new mommy friends that your mama buddy has been making lately? Has she stopped calling or emailing? Do you fear that now she's pregnant, or a mom that she's just not that into you?
Trust me on this: don't be jealous of her new mommy friends. Believe it or not, your mama buddy needs you.
When I get together with my unencumbered friend, there's a pattern to our conversation. First, I get all the Little Dude updates off my chest and then she gets all her stuff out of the way. After the preliminaries, we talk about other stuff like what's happening in the news or what her obnoxious colleague said. (The one thing I miss about working in an office, believe it or not, is the drama. Great character fodder!) We talk about anything but motherhood and for me, it's a brief sabbatical.
Fellow mama, author and blogger of Mommy Writer, Bethany Hiitola has found that it takes effort on her part as well as her friends to keep up the friendship. "Suddenly, our lives become out of our control a little more than normal (when the kiddo gets sick, cranky, playdate, etc) we have more responsibilities to tend to, and thus our time to stay in touch diminishes," she wrote. "But for those that are close, e-mail is key. And hand-written letters of HELLO."
So if your mama buddy isn't calling as often as she used to, take the initiative and send her an e-card or take a picture of yourself with the caption, "remember me?"
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Check out Louise Ahern's take at her blog, Opting Out
Showing posts with label maintaining friendships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label maintaining friendships. Show all posts
Support: Oh where, oh where
Note that I'm a day late in updating this blog. Why? Well, I met up with my folks at Knotts Berry Farm all day Saturday. The husband has needed the entire past week as well as Sunday to finish his screenplay that's due today, and then yesterday, I did a booksigning at my local Curves. Notice that there was no mention of a mani/pedi, shopping, quietly reading a book, writing or paying my make-believe nanny and housekeeper over time. My Little Dude is trying to walk and I'm not sure that encouraging him is such a great idea.
Unfortunately, mamas-in-action tend to disappear like I did for days at a time. But when you actually catch your friend on the phone, you have about 85-percent of her attention. And just when you're getting to the good part about your pinche boss, mama abruptly hangs up because: (a) the baby wakes up, (b) the toddler removes diaper and contents on the kitchen floor or (c) the toddler finds the other phone and discovers the "end" button.
How do you cope with the frustration that you can't just call her up and vent for an hour about your insensitive husband and his mother? My advice is to keep it to yourself. Stifle those comments about the screaming child (a mom from Curves told us that her friend told her to stick a pillow over her screaming three-year-old's face). When your mama-in-action hangs up, send off an email that you hope she's still alive and next Friday is Girl's Night or lunch.
Trust me, your mama-in-action is just as frustrated as you are. Ever hear that line, "A nap! A nap! My kingdom for a nap!" Okay so it was for a horse, but you get the idea. When I have the Little Dude and there's no nap or grandma in sight, I'm dying for conversation with real words. I miss my friends. I want to know what they're up to because there are days when it feels like there's a whole world that is passing me by.
But the Three Wise Grandmas - my mom, mother-in-law and Sandy, Dana's mom - assure me that this time will pass. I might even look back and laugh (I certainly will when the Little Dude is chasing after his little dude!) They tell me that one day I'll miss this time and the friends who stuck with me through it all will be the ones worth keeping.
Unfortunately, mamas-in-action tend to disappear like I did for days at a time. But when you actually catch your friend on the phone, you have about 85-percent of her attention. And just when you're getting to the good part about your pinche boss, mama abruptly hangs up because: (a) the baby wakes up, (b) the toddler removes diaper and contents on the kitchen floor or (c) the toddler finds the other phone and discovers the "end" button.
How do you cope with the frustration that you can't just call her up and vent for an hour about your insensitive husband and his mother? My advice is to keep it to yourself. Stifle those comments about the screaming child (a mom from Curves told us that her friend told her to stick a pillow over her screaming three-year-old's face). When your mama-in-action hangs up, send off an email that you hope she's still alive and next Friday is Girl's Night or lunch.
Trust me, your mama-in-action is just as frustrated as you are. Ever hear that line, "A nap! A nap! My kingdom for a nap!" Okay so it was for a horse, but you get the idea. When I have the Little Dude and there's no nap or grandma in sight, I'm dying for conversation with real words. I miss my friends. I want to know what they're up to because there are days when it feels like there's a whole world that is passing me by.
But the Three Wise Grandmas - my mom, mother-in-law and Sandy, Dana's mom - assure me that this time will pass. I might even look back and laugh (I certainly will when the Little Dude is chasing after his little dude!) They tell me that one day I'll miss this time and the friends who stuck with me through it all will be the ones worth keeping.
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